A Negative #4: The “Coming Out” Dilemma
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- Category: A Negative
- Published on Saturday, 26 November 2011 13:33
- Written by T. Henrik Anttonen
- Hits: 846
A big question for myself has always been; When is it appropriate to come out? I certainly don’t want to impose the fact of my lack of sexual orientation on people, just like I don’t want them to impose their orientation on me. If I never impose, the consequence usually is an unfortunate cascade of misunderstandings and awkward situations when people expect me to react to their relationship woes or sexual conquests a certain way I cannot deliver. And when you really think about it, most people flaunt their sexuality in my face anyway. The society today encourages, if not indeed expects it. And if the society at large is shoving its proverbial dicks and tits in my face, why wouldn’t I be as blunt about my particular orientation in return?
A Negative #3: On Misconceptions And Visibility
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- Category: A Negative
- Published on Thursday, 10 November 2011 14:49
- Written by T. Henrik Anttonen
- Hits: 934
I think we’re at the point where we can honestly just ask: What’s so damn hard about this?
By far, the biggest misconception about Asexuality is that a lot of people refuse to accept the reality of it. They think it’s something completely made up, a defense mechanism of some kind. Or at worst something that needs to be fixed. It is actually kind of mind boggling how often it is hard for people to accept Asexuality even if they’re completely accepting of homosexuality. Why is not wanting to have anything to do with sex such a huge leap for some people?
The most saddening aspect of this is that some of the biggest doubters and haters actually come from the LGBT community. Surely the people who have been the subjects of ridicule and oppression about their own orientation would be the most open-minded about the incredible variety of the human experience. But no, the most hateful suggestions of “corrective rape” or other less than consensual activities usually come from representatives of those communities. The bullied become the bullies, which unfortunately is a very common pattern.
A Negative #1: The Sink of Solitude
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- Category: A Negative
- Published on Thursday, 06 October 2011 10:02
- Written by T. Henrik Anttonen
- Hits: 870
Author's note: This column was originally featured in the AVENues online newsmagazine, but has now found a new home here at Asexual News. I am republishing the first two columns for the benefit of those who have not read AVENues and for the sake of completion.
Sometimes it feels that the majority of western culture is dedicated to the quest of avoiding being alone. Countless books, movies and comics tell us that there is no greater drive than the one to find companionship and hopefully the “right” one. Even the characters in Disney movies, where the characters supposedly have no body parts under their clothes, are mostly driven by the quest for this amazing goal that everybody shares. Because love conquers all and so on...
But we know that it isn’t that simple and there’s a lot of us who don’t share that drive.
Some people have even accused me of being a terribly selfish person, because I don’t want a human companion and children. They argue that my life has no meaning if I’m not going to contribute to the happiness of someone else and the growth of the species.
A Negative #2: The Madde Pranckes of Gender Identity
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- Category: A Negative
- Published on Monday, 24 October 2011 15:24
- Written by T. Henrik Anttonen
- Hits: 2695
Author's note: This column was originally featured in the AVENues online newsmagazine, but has now found a new home here at Asexual News. I am republishing the first two columns for the benefit of those who have not read AVENues and for the sake of completion.
I never used to think about gender before. It didn’t seem like a topic worthy of even thinking about, that’s just how indifferent I was toward the whole thing. That’s why I never bothered to even give myself a gender identity. But that all changed when I joined the Asexual community about five years ago. All of a sudden I was interacting with people with all sorts of gender identities in a way that I never had before. And slowly, I started to formulate a gender identity for myself as well.
Read more: A Negative #2: The Madde Pranckes of Gender Identity